I was walkin’ down the street yesterday minding my own business when all of a sudden…

WHAT THE HELL?

That’s right. It’s Pepsi’s newest addition to their upscale “Pepsi Jazz” line of colas. Diet Pepsi Jazz: Caramel Cream.

I love Pepsi. I love jazz. I love caramel. I love cream. However, all together in one glass? Blasphemy! Was there really somebody somewhere that said, “I would really like my soda to taste more like sugar?”

Pertinent information: Serving Size: 8 fl. oz. Calories: 0. Fat: 0. Sodium: 25mg. I think it’s vegan, but it certainly isn’t natural. Includes aspartame (better known as Nutrasweet), which has been known to cause brain damage in emus during laboratory testing.

When I approach a new soda, I approach it like a fine wine. First, you pour it into your stemmed goblet of choice. Then you grab it by the bottom, like a frou-frou. Then, you waft. Wave your hand over the soda, brushing the delicate scent into your nostrils. Do you smell it yet?

No?

Then just dig yer damn nose in there. It smells like some sick mixture of caramel and cola, I’ll give them that.

I’ll be honest with you: it’s been years since I’ve actually had caramel. When it comes to candy, I have to watch it. I used to be 300 lbs, and candy was my weakness. I used to be able to choke back five full-size candy bars in one sitting. Still, I think I remember the taste of caramel fairly well. And you know what? They’ve really captured it with this soda. Of course, half the fun of caramel is the gooiness and consistency, but the flavor is all here.

The best caramel is sweet and buttery with a hint of salt thrown in. What better place to convey that flavor than soda, which is swimming in sweeteners, artificial flavors, and sodium? It’s all there, and it works surprisingly well. We’ve already had vanilla colas to varying degrees of success. Is chocolate too far behind? I used to loves me a Chocolate Coke at the soda fountain back in the fifties.

NEW FEATURE: Packaging Gallery

For some food reviews, I’ll be including a gallery of the labels (my own pictures…who’da thunk?).