Archive for September, 2007
The smell of success
Air-freshening sprays. What? A bathroom is a room that will occasionally smell like poop and pee. When you spray Glade or some shit into the air, you are not hiding poop and pee. There is no hiding poop and pee. You’re just adding something else into the bouquet. In some cases, you are adding another [...]
Read More..>>My Pee Buddy ‘N’ Me
I peed next to Indian Doctor. Twice.
It must be said that I don’t keep a regular urinary schedule or anything like that. I drink seven bottles of water a day (for good luck), and so I go two or three times in an afternoon. It was just a coincidence that Indian Doctor and I met [...]
Numbers
Rabbits have a life expectancy of 5 to 15 years. Rats are expected to live from 2 to 3 years before they die of old age. These animals are domesticated, kept in the safest of conditions; they have doctors that specialize in animal care; they are sustained by diets that are specifically tailored to the [...]
Read More..>>Spoodles the Living Dummy and the Temple of Peeps
As we speak, Halloween merchandise is flooding the stores. This is the start of the consumer holiday season, which is really less of a season and more of a “half-year.” Halloween runs into Christmas which begets Valentine’s Day which ejaculates Easter until our wallets are empty for the summer and we can’t buy that motorboat [...]
Read More..>>Attention Wal-Mart Shoppers: keep your hands off my package
The other day I was in the housewares section at Wal-Mart and I saw something fairly weird. Not surprising, because it’s Wal Mart and chances are good that you’ll see four hick-weddings and a funeral when you walk down those aisles at the right time.
Honestly, Wal-Mart is like flypaper. You’re going to find the same [...]