As we speak, Halloween merchandise is flooding the stores. This is the start of the consumer holiday season, which is really less of a season and more of a “half-year.” Halloween runs into Christmas which begets Valentine’s Day which ejaculates Easter until our wallets are empty for the summer and we can’t buy that motorboat we’ve always wanted.

Good things do come out of it, though, and unsurprisingly, one of my favorites is the Marshmallow Peep, manufactured by Just Born. Sure, I’ve been living year-round on my stockpile, which does not seem to be shrinking at any considerable rate, but there’s something to be said about fresh Peeps. They’re smooshy and wonderful and you can almost see them being picked fresh off the tree by some nomadic immigrant who uses his precious marshmallow money on the finest-gruel-money-can-buy for his three small children, who are named Chaquita and Bananas.

I don’t believe there’s anything new in the works for this Halloween, so look out for your usual suspects of Pumpkins, Ghosts, and Spooky Cats (as well as their African-American brothers, the delicious Cocoa Cats).

I like to consider myself an idea man. Every time I come up with something I really like, it seems to be stolen from my mind and projected onto television screens across the country. I created a character named Bonkers the Clown, who I would frequently draw. Soon after, the Disney Afternoon introduced a crappy and short-lived television show called Bonkers and I got sad.

Another character I liked to draw was called Scarface the Living Dummy, a murderous ventriloquist’s puppet with a big, honking scar on his face. Then I started watching Batman the Animated Series, which features a damn murderous puppet named Scarface. Obviously there is some sort of nude conspiracy afoot.

Since then, I’ve been dreaming up crazy contraptions and hoping the aliens come back to steal them from my brain. Apparently we’re still years away from a fully-functioning homework machine, but I also aim low. What about this. Pumpkin-Pie-flavored Marshmallow Peeps. Suckle on the hardened teat of the November holiday, Just Born. Suckle on the hardened teat of my genius.

If I dream hard enough, it’s bound to happen, right? Right?

Another ramble drafted on the lunch break of your friendly neighborhood Spoodles.