Archive for the 'fiction' Category
THE BEEFSTEAK CHRONICLES: One if by land, two if by BEEFSTEAK
For the past five days, I’ve felt like a new mother, getting rid of that ten pound bulge in her stomach for the first time in nine months. This mission, Operation Beefsteak, was my offspring, the combination of my hard work and semen. After Chef Trey broke the news to me gently and erotically last [...]
Read More..>>THE BEEFSTEAK CHRONICLES: A BEEFSTEAK in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Disaster strikes at ground zero of Operation Beefsteak. Arriving at the dining facilities today, we made a beeline for the comments board. The card, that sweet, succulent comment card, was missing. No response, no acknowledgement. Obviously the conspiracy has decided to track us down and kill us. Luckily, they don’t know Brad and I by [...]
Read More..>>THE BEEFSTEAK CHRONICLES: Why are there so many songs about BEEFSTEAK?
A conspiracy is afoot. I’ve received a response to my simple, innocent suggestion. That suggestion? Bring on the Beefsteak! Unfortunately, the dining hall staff decided to play dumb. To recap, here is my original message. Dear Kriner Staff: It would be much appreciated if you could make Beefsteak a permanent menu fixture. I then proceeded [...]
Read More..>>THE BEEFSTEAK CHRONICLES: Wherefore art thou BEEFSTEAK?
Phase one of Operation Beefsteak is complete. That’s right, Operation Beefsteak. Ever since last year, I have been infatuated with the cut of meat mysteriously called “Beefsteak” at our school’s dining halls. The name itself is pretty bizarre–if you have a cut of beef, it’s a steak. If you order something called steak, you’ll be [...]
Read More..>>A Multicolored Dialogue Between a Chef and a Patron of Her Fine Restaurant-type Establishment
“So you want to know what makes my meatloaf so irresistible? You want to know why you get the urge for more and more meatloaf until your paper sack of a stomach explodes? You REALLY want to know the secret ingredient? Well, I’ll tell you. The secret ingredient is love.” “Love?” “Yes, love. Love is [...]
Read More..>>Sour Grapes
We met in the supermarket. She was pushing her baby along in the shopping cart, which was stuffed with disposable diapers, jars of Gerber, diet pop, and TV dinners. I rolled my cart full of canned goods and bottles of liquor next to her cart and parked it. She was filling a small produce bag [...]
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